Tuesday, April 19, 2011

i hate mondays!

yesterday is not a good day for me. i hate Mondays! yesterday i was: 
kinda sick + period pain + tummy ache + headache + fights = great heart ache!
i am sooo sick that i HVE to take a half day off yesterday. i went back, and sleep till 7pm. i felt sooo sick that ive been vomiting a lot! i cant even have a soundless sleep cause i keep on waking up every half an hour to vomit. urgh! thats disgusting! last night, i cant even sleep. i keep on waking up every half an hour. tummy ache + vomits. urgh! i dont know whats wrong with my body. its doesnt functioning well i guess.  
things are going going well for me. i wish i could just shout them here.
i dont think its a misunderstanding anymore. its way more than that. i dont want to care about this anymore. lantak lah. i was NEVER in the big family picture. now i know that. all this time, i think i am in the picture. but actually im not. i love my family so much! especially from my dad's side. i felt more connected to them but i am actually 'perasan'. I WAS NEVER IN THE FAMILY. 
so that means everybody was faking their smile, laugh in front of me. 
never thought it could turn out this way. maybe its entirely my fault. 
*oh, come on alia. stop thinking about this! these are meant to be this way*
but, should i think that 'these things happened for a reason'? 
ive said sorry but never forgiven. i understand that THAT is actually ur choice whether or not to forgive me. at least, ive done my part by saying sorry even thought i feel that it was not entirely my fault. 
i really hope that i could just forget all these. kinda sick of thinking all these. 

x o x o

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